This is the second part of a three-part series on a response Tom Johnson gave to a young woman about to be married seeking marriage advice. (Tom Johnson was married for 57 years before losing his wife recently.)
A HUG CAN BE WORTH TEN KISSES
I know that when you all part ways for the day that you will exchange kisses and wish each other a great day and tell each other that you love them. That’s nice and appropriate and should be done without fail.
The hug is different. The hug I am talking about is completely unexpected. It is an embrace of enormous meaning. It is tendered by either one of you and is a moment that tells the other: “I adore you, I will always take care of you, and my life would not be the same without you.”
This hug is not a “grab and go.” It is an embrace just short of a bear-hug. It lasts for perhaps 20-30 seconds, time enough to fully convey the clear message that you are absolutely crazy about your partner. Words are not necessary; the very act has said all you need to.
PICK IT UP, PUT IT AWAY
This is another biggie because it can affect your day-to-day life and the feeling of well-being.
Keeping a neat and clean house will allow you to always be happy when you walk in the door - and that is IMPORTANT. If stuff is thrown all over the place and the house is generally a mess, it is simply impossible to feel good about living there. The same holds true for your car(s) or any other thing you own.
When you take off your clothes hang them up or put them in the laundry. It is a fantastically simple solution to a problem that occurs in many marriages.
When cooking, don’t wait until the end to clean it all up. Clean and put away as you go, so you are not facing a kitchen that looks like a bomb exploded when dinner is over.
There is a very simple test to determine how well you are doing. Would you be proud to have someone come in the house unannounced, or would you have to apologize and say, “sorry for the mess?” The same holds true for your car.
Like the other tips, this is a two-person event. It is as true for the husband as it is for the wife. Women were not put on earth to pick up after men, and vice versa.
STOP, LOOK, SEE
This is more of a life tip than a marriage tip, but it’s important nonetheless and it escapes many people.
Life is hectic to say the least. Many of us tend to make it more hectic than it needs to be and we forget to slow down and smell the roses. There are so many things to admire as you go through life: a small child’s infectious laugh, a beautiful sunset, a new puppy or kitten, a newly potted plant or flower coming to life. Don’t let those moments pass you by.
What a waste it is not to be able to STOP for just a moment, LOOK at what is right in front of you and SEE and appreciate the beauty that surrounds you.
Bottom line: Soak in life. Don’t let it pass by without notice and appreciation.
IF YOU WANT IT TO HAPPEN,
MAKE IT HAPPEN
In the Army we have an expression:
“Lead, follow, or get out of the way.”
This is a very appropriate and a very true expression of life. You choose to lead, or you choose to follow. Too many times people sit around and wait for someone to take the lead and make something happen. My experience is that if you wait for others to do something, you’re going to wind up very disappointed, because more often than not, the other person isn’t going to make it happen.
If you would like to go out to dinner with friends this weekend, DO NOT wait for them to call you, because you will probably be staying at home. If you want to play golf or bridge or pickleball, or want to simply get together for drinks, take the lead and set it up. Sitting by the phone and hoping someone is going to call you can be a very lonely existence.
If you want to do it, make it happen.
Tom Johnson is a Northsider.
